Maybe I'm not a radical unschooler? Maybe I was doing it wrong.

I've just finished reading The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff. John Holt recommended this book at the end of his book, Teach Your Own. Liedloff's premise is that most people in Western Civilization either choose "child-centered" or "parent-centered" styles, both of which are detrimental to ourselves and our children. But what we should really be doing is living our normal lives, doing our everyday things, and bringing our children along with us so they can experience life and see how to live.

It appears that many parents of toddlers, in their anxiety to be neither negligent nor disrespectful, have gone overboard in what may seem to be the other direction.

~Jean Liedloff 

Radical unschooling really resonates with me, particularly showing respect to your children, living by principles rather than rules, and not using punishment to coerce them into doing what you want them to do. I want Zoe to be her own person.

The problem has been that Cheo and I don't know exactly how to put these ideals into practice, both coming from more traditional parenting backgrounds. So we went from traditional parenting to child-centered living. Neither one was having the desired effects. Traditional parenting caused resentment and anger, in both parents and child. Child-centered living did the same, while also causing our child to push her limits, trying to ascertain where they ended and when we would take control again. 

According to Liedloff, a child instinctively knows that they need guidance from adults and older children to learn how to find their way in the world.  When they have too many choices, or too many decisions to make (particularly when they're not sure what the correct choice is) they are overwhelmed and feel insecure.

Again, this idea resonated with me, since we've been having difficulties with Zoe lately and have not really been sure what to do about it. One of the big keys in Liedloff's suggestions is that you tell your child what is expected of him or her, then you EXPECT them to do it. Most of the time they will. But if they don't, you don't show any anger. (This has ALWAYS been my issue. I am quick to anger, but trying DESPERATELY to change.) 

Today, I tried Liedloff's approach. I told Zoe to take a blanket to another room. She said she didn't want to. So I calmly picked it up and turned around to do it myself. She stopped me and said she would do it. I was astonished. 

Children WANT to help and be productive. They need models and mentors so they can see what is acceptable and expected behavior in their social situations. 

We're still radically unschooling, I think. Learning is still everywhere and we're enjoying exploring the world. We're also gonna try this Continuum Concept stuff and see how it works. So far, so good. :)

Respect and EXPECT.