We've decided to move back to Texas. We've been living in Northeastern Pennsylvania with my brother and his family since early August of this year. It's been an interesting four months. But we feel like it's time to go home.
Cheo says he feels like living here has helped him to understand me better, since this is where I lived during high school. We've enjoyed spending time with my family. But we don't belong here, and I think we all underestimated how difficult it would be for two families to live in the same house.
I'm sure it didn't help that our parenting style drastically changed about a month ago. Up 'til then we followed a very traditional parenting style.
Then I started reading about unschooling.
We went from spanking and time-outs (which is how I grew up and the style my brother's family uses) to a more relaxed style which focuses on principles rather than rules. This is hard enough to reconcile with if you're the one making the changes, but for someone who doesn't agree with or understand unschooling it's much more difficult.
I can feel the strain on our relationships and I know it's primarily because of our change in parenting style. It's a pretty big difference in philosophies. I'm sad, though. I really like my brother and sister-in-law, and their 3 boys. I've enjoyed getting to know them all.
But I think it will be better for everyone if we leave. I hope it will. I hope we don't lose the closeness that we've always had. So I started packing today. And praying that everything will work out according to God's will.
I think that Nathan and I use a middle between "authoritarian" and "unschooling". We give alot of choices over and over, and I think that people who are more strict think we are being too easy on them. But really it's that we want them to learn to make the right choices because it's the right thing, rather than because we are telling them. However, there are times when we use time-outs, but we try to phrase it as more of an option- we love for you to be in here with us, but we can't hear each other talk. If you want to keep screaming feel free to do it in the other room until you can calm down" :) I understand the frustration with people not getting it.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're closer to unschooling than you think. I've never heard time-out defined this way before. Usually it's forcing them to go to a place they'd rather not be and making them stay there for a determined amount of time or until they can calm down, whichever is longer. What you do sounds more like guiding them to understand how to make choices that are polite and respectful, without using punishment. That's what unschoolers would do. :)
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