Understanding Anger

I've been working on controlling my anger, particularly in response to Zoe. I still get angry, but I've discovered that I can control my reactions much better now that I am taking the time to be aware of it.

Since anger is something I'm focusing on right now, I'm noticing where it crops up in lots of areas of my life. For instance, I tried to renew a library book last night. It was due yesterday, and I had to wait until Cheo got home to renew it online since it was on his library card. I assumed that as long as I did it before midnight it would be fine, but when I logged in at 8:45pm it showed that my book was overdue and wouldn't let me renew it. I got angry. Ridiculous, I know, but that was my first response. How stupid of them to have the system set up to show your book overdue before midnight! And not even allow you to renew it! Now I (or Cheo) would have to take the book back to the library and we might even get charged for it! I was indignant. 

These were the thoughts that passed through my head, and I even voiced them to those who were nearby to listen. Then I stopped. I thought for a minute about how silly I sounded. I was angry at the library's system. Really? And I was mad cuz I might have to pay 35 cents. Seriously? Taking a step back and addressing why I was angry put it in perspective and made a HUGE difference in my reaction. After I re-assessed the situation, I didn't care if their system was flawed or if we would get charged for the book that wasn't ACTUALLY overdue. It just wasn't a big deal.

How many times in a day do I do this same thing to my precious daughter? How ridiculous do I sound to her? How confused is she by my responses that seem way overblown for what actually happened? I'm working on changing all this. I really am. I can tell she already sees a difference in my outward responses. I still have to sometimes often take a moment and breathe before opening my mouth to speak. Inwardly, I struggle with irrational emotional responses to her when she's not acting the way I want her to, but I'm recognizing it and logically working through it. I have almost 37 years of conditioning to overcome.

I think I'm doing pretty well. :)