Puppy Love

I had a dog when Cheo and I got married, but we had to give her to a Rescue when we moved to Hawaii, soon after Zoe was born. We loved her and she was a great dog. I cried when we gave her away. But we (Cheo and I) decided after we gave Tirzah away that we never wanted another dog. They were too time-consuming and they cost too much money. We wanted to be able to travel without worrying about where we would put our dog and who would take care of it. We wanted to stay out all day without having to interrupt our plans to go home and take the dog out. We wanted the freedom that comes with NOT owning a dog.

Then in October of 2010 we started whole life unschooling and practicing mindful and peaceful parenting. We began partnering with Zoe to help her explore her world and began watching where her passions were leading. We were not only paying more attention to her desires, but we were also giving them much more weight. At that time we noted that everything she loved seemed to be about animals or relationships. And that hasn't changed at all. Just the other day she said, "Mom, when I grow up, will you help me rescue animals?" She was absolutely serious, and so was I when I responded, "Yes I will." 

Zoe has wanted a puppy for at least the past three years. And we have been stalling her for that whole time. Even in the midst of our parenting changes, we maintained our decision to NOT get a dog. After all, I still had allergies. We told Zoe that we couldn't get a dog, and that when she got older and had her own place, she could have a dog. What could she say to that? She loves me and doesn't want me to suffer. She conceded, even though her sadness was written all over her face. She checked every once in a while to see if we had changed our minds, but we were firm in our resolve.

Then we stayed with Cheo's parents and sister for a couple months. They have a dog (Koko) that in the past had always caused me allergic reactions. I would have to leave their house within about 2 hours or suffer severe wheezing. Anywhere Koko touched me, I would become itchy and sometimes break out in hives. 

For the first two weeks or so of staying with them, I had to take Benadryl continuously. In order to breathe freely, I also wore a surgical mask if I felt the wheezing get really bad. But by the time we got our own place about 2 months later, I wasn't using the surgical mask and only had to take Benadryl periodically. Hmmmm......maybe we COULD get a dog after all. Maybe.

But we still weren't convinced we should get a dog. We didn't want all the work and expense of having one. So Cheo and I decided to get Zoe a hamster. 

Reading this now I have to chuckle and shake my head. "She wanted a dog so we got her a hamster." That doesn't even make any sense. But that's what we parents do all too often. We see a desire in our child and mistakenly think it's ok to modify it so it's easier/more acceptable for us. Then we expect our child to be satisfied by our substitute for their desire. That doesn't ever really work. We may beat them down enough to get them to agree with us out loud, but "the heart wants what the heart wants." They won't forget that their parents refused to buy them that bicycle/skateboard/Barbie/drum set, and they won't forget the most likely lame reason we gave them for why they "just can't have it."

So we bought her a hamster and we sold her on the idea that it would be better than a dog, since it would take less day-to-day care and it was still fluffy. That's what she wanted, right? Something soft and warm that she could pet. Well, we THOUGHT we sold her on the idea. So we bought one - and she named it Fluffy. Yeah, it seems a bit funny now.

We took Fluffy home and got his cage ready. We were so excited. Then we found out that it takes about a month to familiarize your hamster and get them to crawl on your hand. We marked the calendar so we'd remember what new thing to do each week which would help the hamster to like us. And Zoe and I did it all. We worked together to MAKE Fluffy like us. We got to the end of week two and could already see changes in his behavior. He was starting to trust us, and Zoe was doing her best to follow the plan so eventually she would get to pet, touch and hold Fluffy. But it was taking a really long time. Especially for a 5yo.

At the end of week two with Fluffy, Zoe and I were watching a show about animals (I don't even remember what it was) and she broke down in tears, lamenting the fact that she wouldn't be able to get a puppy until she was an adult and that was gonna take SO LONG. It broke my heart.

I realized at that moment that the desire of her heart for the last 3 or so years has been to have her own puppy. It hadn't changed or grown weaker. In fact, it had grown stronger and stronger. So Cheo and I talked about it. We acknowledged that ALL of the reasons we had listed for NOT getting a dog were selfish, especially now that we knew I would probably develop a tolerance for it. Once we threw the selfish reasons out, we were left with nothing standing in the way of getting a dog. 

Enter Muffins. A sweet little chihuahua-dachshund mix who has completely won our hearts with her love, attentiveness and desire to please. She's a joy for all of us, but especially for Zoe. When we brought Muffins home and showed her to Zoe, she looked at the puppy with surprise and reservation. She thought maybe we were puppy-sitting. We asked her how long she thought we'd keep the puppy. She said, "Maybe a week?" Oh, my precious princess. 

I can't begin to describe the look of wonder and amazement on her face when we told her that the puppy was hers and that we could keep it forever. Every day since then, Zoe has hugged and thanked us for her puppy, and continues to exclaim, "I can't believe I have a real puppy!" 

It is so wonderful to find "that one thing" that your child wants more than anything else in the world, and then to be able to give it to her. When I see the love on her face as she's snuggling her puppy, I feel like I finally understand. There could never have been any substitute.